Slay the Dragon of Social Insecurity with a Party of One

all you need is a party of one -- yourself

Social Insecurity – the dragon I faced all my life but could never slay.

In high school, I remember vividly I stood by the edge of the dance floor at dances, too shy to step onto the floor and too shy to ask anyone to dance. Decades later, the same same dragon still haunts me when no one shows up to my parties or events — the fear of humiliation and rejection engulfs me like breaths of hellfire raining down from the skies. 

The Guy Who Started the Dance Party

Years ago, I remember watching a video of a guy starts dance party

and it changed my life. This video is just one guy dancing ridiculously by himself in a park.

“Is he not ashamed? My eyes hurt looking at the way he dances”, I thought to myself as I was watching the video. But soon, one guy joined him and started dancing ridiculously as well. More people joined in, then more, and a party got started. One guy dancing ridiculously in the park got a whole crowd going.

How many times have I seen empty dance floors with crowds around it? Everyone is waiting for the party to get going, but no one wants to be first. How many times have I been the bystander – just looking from the outside and waiting for someone else to start the party? 

Party of one – yourself – is All You Need

This video struck a profound chord in me – no matter how ridiculous one looks, no matter what judgments may come, a party of one is all you need to melt away any anxiety.

When I was 25, I had an opportunity to take a break from work and embark on a Europe backpacking trip. Thinking about the adventures paved an exciting world beyond the dragon, but I was second guessing myself because I couldn’t find anyone to join me. Am I going to eat meals all by myself on this trip? How can I handle my own company? The thought of being alone in foreign countries quickly dampened the excitements I had, and fears of a lonesome trip ensued. 

But, somewhere deep in my mind, the ridiculous man from the video started dancing, and in my head I saw myself as that man.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll just entertain myself on this trip,” I reassured myself.

I bought a one-way ticket to Spain, and a lifelong passion for solo travels was born. In a decade, I’ve ventured to 50+ countries, experienced unimaginable travel stories (I slept in a make-shift tent on the roof of a skyscraper), and made lasting memories with new friends I made on my adventures.

Whenever I am sensing social insecurity raising – feeling FOMO on a lonely Friday night in NYC, friends flaking on me in last minute for our scheduled events – a figure starts dancing ridiculously in my head, reminding me that a party of one – myself – is all I need to have a great time regardless of circumstances.

Enjoying My Own Party of One

At the beginning of 2024, I re-committed myself to this idea:

• even with 0 views, I still write and post my content on X. 

• even when no one signed up for my events, I still held them with a smile. 

• even when my ideas are scoffed at, I still pursue them with gratitude.

Reminding myself that a Party of One is all I need gave me the confidence to overcome any social insecurities and enjoy my own company in what matters to me. It freed me from the need to be validated by others and the expectation of outcome, and I can simply be me. 

The results had been surprising to say the least. I’ve hosted a few events – Tech Meetups, Writing Club, Central Park Picnic, Dinner Potluck, Hiking Group – as a party of one, and surprisingly even more people showed up. Just like the ridiculous guy in the video, the party of one morphed into bigger parties without my intentions. I enjoyed the good companies and most importantly, I enjoyed every moment – with or without anyone. 

I enjoyed my own Party of One just like the ridiculous dancing guy in the video and parties got going, and the Dragon of Social Insecurity is slain.

—

PS: I took a long break from writing because I was paralyzed by this dragon of insecurity. But now, as a Party of One, I am back.