I turned 41 not too long ago. At this age — the midpoint of a life — I see people standing at very different points in life.
Some are already onto a second or third marriage. Some have families with children.
Some have stayed at the same job since college. Some climbed the ladder to the top.
Some have changed careers many times.
On the surface, I am pretty much the same as when I was 21, just with more wrinkles and white hair. Underneath, however, where I am at I don’t recognize. By now, I daydreamed at 21, I would be at awesome places – carve out my own life and universe, however that may be.
With all the ambitions in the world, I charged into adulthood headon. The world was the oyster, as Shakespear told it. I hit milestones after milestones – getting test marks, advancing in my education, getting a job, climbing the ladder. After decades of hard work, however, something felt off. I ran out of gas. The milestones no longer gave me satisfaction. The pearls that I’d collected along the way, now looked like just any other pebbles on the beach.
The busy-ness of chasing after milestones has taken me to a place where I could not find fulfillment and purpose. Anchorless.
Like a sheep in the herd, I looked at my peers and also those further ahead of the herd. Some are better dressed; some are driving nicer cars. But many of us are still clueless, and are following whomever is in front of us.
I’ve been running with the herd all this time.
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In July 2026, I moved to Beijing from Denver. One afternoon I was browsing books at a local bookstore, flipping through titles in the Chinese philosophy section. I came across a question that stopped me.
“What character do I desire to become?”
Stunned. I had been asked things like “What job do you want to do”, “What role do you want to be”, “how much money do you want to make”, but never this question on character
The question came from Wang Yangming, a sixteenth-century Chinese figure who preaches on inner moral compass, character virtue development, and self-cultivation.
An anchored life, as he taught, is built on a strong foundation of who desire to become, the virtues of character, and continuous grinding and application of them.
As I read through the pages on this, I felt like a brick had hit me in the head.
Inner moral compass and virtues of character. I had never intentionally thought about these.
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Drift happens when when we don’t have a vision of who we desire to become
For the most part of my life, I simply acted out of survival and practicality. I studied engineering not because I cared for it but for job prospects and security. I took jobs that paid the most.
There are two ways to measure life: one accumulated with milestones and accolades, and another with a development of character. I measured life with the former one – after all, what is good if one cannot put a roof and food on the table?
“Ride the donkey while searching for a horse.” This became my Modus operandi. Every decision and choice I made came out of this. From job to job, career to career, continent to continent, I gambled and made drastic changes, each time hoping that this new move would propel me to higher places.
Only that, the pearl that I was looking for, was not there. Never were.
Just like that, the life that I had built on accolades and milestones, all crumbled beneath my feet. Down I went.
Who did I desire to become? I never answered that question, I simply took the nearest life boat.
What character did I want to build? I never faced that question, because I needed to hit that milestone or get that accolade.
Wang Yangming’s teachings now struck me in the heart, because I had never intentionally defined Who I wanted to be nor what character do I want to express. Without a vision, external factors pulled me into many directions. I drifted, because I had no anchor.
Gratitude – virtue I desire to have and be
Anxieties. Worries. Judgment. Comparison. These run in my head for much of my life and was the norm.
But when I was in the alternative treatment clinic in Cyprus, all I thought was, “If I can walk again, that is all that I can ask for in life.” I was dealing with an autoimmune issue that rendered me immobile. Doctor said it was incurable, and that I had to carry this as a norm in life.
These days, I walk my dog in the neighborhood park. I am able play and run with her, with no traces of the autoimmune issue. I am eternally grateful for my miraculous recovery. But often times, I guess like all mortal beings, I forgot about it, and let the worries, anxieties, return and fill my head and heart.
As I read through the book on Wang Yangming, I am reminded how that, without a vision of the person we desire to become and the development of character, one can drift. I am definitely the case in point.
Gratitude. This is a character I desire to imbue into this person I want to be. A virtue that is so ingrained, that I will always be grateful for the blessings in life, and not let external factors influence me.
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Stumbling into Wang Yangming’s book had been a game changer for me, especially at this midlife stage. Like many of us, I ran through life semi-unconsciously, pushed by family, cultural, and societal pressure, until the wheels came off.
WYM’s wisdoms and teachings are profound, and, for me at this midlife age, a welcomed elixir to enlighten my mind.
This is a new chapter for me, an opportunity to reinvent myself and life.