A Permission to Reinvent
The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it -- Carl Jung
Midlife crisis finally caught up with me. This started right after I graduated college and pursued careers and lifestyles that I deed was the optimal path — maximizing money and productivity. I had money in the bank, but I never felt quite alive. I threw money to make me feel alive but they never fulfilled a deeper hunger. Soon, that hunger, a quarter-life crisis, metastasized into a full blown midlife crisis that I was experiencing.
We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like — Fight Club
When a client walked away without paying me — wasting 3 months of my life — I hit rock bottom. My favorite quote from the movie Fight Club came screaming in my face as I slouch on the sofa, doomscrolling social media and melting my brain and weeping at my current state of affair. Like the protagonist in the movie (played by the awesome Edward Norton), I’m a shell of myself. But in my case, I didn’t have a Brad Pitt punching me in the face — I had life upper-cutting me right in the gut.
I knew I was in a rut and something is amiss. Something was being buried under the never ending grinding, screen time, zoom calls, and isolation. The zest for life had died out
I had to change something. Drastically. Fundamentally.
I dropped everything I had, and booked a one way ticket to Buenos Aires.
I had to change course 180 degree. I have to reinvent my life completely.
The plane ride to Buenos Aires was soul soothing. I glanced out at the window mid flight, and I saw this breath taking view of the Earth.
“Wow its full moon tonight. When was the last time I saw something like this? I’m lucky,” I thought to myself as I gazed over this breath-taking view of Earth mid-flight. Views like this never cease to fascinate me.
I knew nothing of Buenos Aires and of Argentina, except that at some point in my life, I’ve heard of the “passion” of Argentina and that I vaguely remember I had liked the music from that land. In the midst of my anguish, a thought popped in my head:
“Why not go do tango and learn Spanish?”
What a ridiculous idea, but I knew the patient needed a system shock — a defibrillator jolt to a heart numbed by decades of the wrong path. A full re-invention is required, and I have no idea how to do it other than just jumping straight into it.
And I am not alone. Yuki, my loyal travel companion, decided she wanted to guide me me on this journey.
Buenos Aires, the Land of Tango, Architecture, and… Steak
It has been almost 2 weeks since I’ve arrived at Buenos Aires. It is an intriguing city — a metropolitan with European architecture, merged w/ modern day concrete jungle, and lots of tango, Milongas, and steak. Argentinian asado is definitely yummy (hmmnnn chimichuri sauces, why isn’t this on every steak menu in US?)
I jumped right into tango. I took a few classes and the teacher took me to the milongas, the tango dance parties. Argentinians do love to dance — from Monday to Sunday, every night there are milongas and locals of various ages and skills come tango. On some special nights, they are also joined by an orchestra and professional tango shows.
The music of the orchestra, the improvisation of the dancers, and liveliness of the crowd drew me closer, and soon I found myself also on the dance floor busting out my tango moves.
For once, I simply followed what my body told me to do — stepping on toes and bumping into others. I didn’t care anymore. I am alive.
I have 2 months in Bueonos Aires, and I’m curious to see what “following your bliss” and synchronicities would unfold.
Here’s to a wild journey.